Her Best Date Ever…
When you think about things like romantic comedies, “chick flicks,” romance novels, soap operas, etc., what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
What do they all have in common (aside from the fact that they continue to generate multi-millions of dollars each year?)
The commonality among them is, women love them! Well, most women, anyway. And, even the small group of women that don’t like any of those things have still been conditioned – on some level, from a very early age, to respond to those triggers.
Women want to experience what the girl in that romantic comedy and romance novel experiences. (Sure, the modern woman may never admit to it in public…she may even deny it when asked about it. But deep down inside, she wants it just as much as any other girl.)
Here’s what I am talking about…
Women are emotional creatures. (You’re probably heard me say that several times in my other blog posts here)
So, when I say that women want to experience what the girl in a romantic comedy and romance novel experiences, I mean that they want to go through those same emotional peaks that the movies and novels are able to take them through. (That is why so many women are addicted to romance novels.)
Women want to feel like their romantic life is unfolding like a story out of one of those movies or novels. They want to feel those serendipitous moments that remind them of the possibility of “meant to be” and “it’s a sign”….or even true love, soul mates, destiny, and fate.
They want the ups and downs, like the thrill of a roller coaster ride. They want to be swept off their feet. They want to feel like they’re falling, somewhat out of control, and they can’t help themselves…but they like the direction it’s headed towards.
They want to feel brand new like it’s their first time experiencing all of it. They want to feel like a teenager falling for the first time. Or even a little girl who doesn’t have any fears or walls/barriers, so she can give in to those feelings completely…and let it consume her.
They want the excitement and nervousness of that first date and that first kiss. They want to feel those incredible moments of ‘connection’ with a stranger. They want the humor, the romance, the spark, the butterflies in the stomach.
Yes…they want it all.
But…they want it to feel like it’s all happening naturally. (At least, that’s what they want on the surface level of their consciousness.) They want to feel that sense of natural ‘romantic’ flow…where one thing leads to the other. And, before they realize it, they’re in your arms… feeling turned on, comfortable, safe…ready to fully unleash the woman inside of her, that’s been dying for a man to make her feel this way.
Phew… sounds like a heck of a lot, doesn’t it? But hey…they want what they want. Are women foolish to want all of that? Yes and no.
Yes, because the average guy (and most guys) doesn’t have a clue how to give women all of those experiences. And… No, because there are a small group of guys out there, that have learned how to give women exactly that kind of experience.
And you, my friend, are about to become one of those rare guys.
I am going to reveal some very cool, and effective, strategies in this report – including some powerful seduction tactics, that will help you to give women just that kind of an experience.
And, I am going to show you how to give women a big part of this experience from their very first date with you. In other words, you’re going to give them their “best date ever!”
Because let’s face it…the first date is where it all begins. It can make or break what happens next. If you give her an incredible time, she will want to see you again and continue to take the relationship forward. (If you give her the usual – or even a bad date – well, you already know what road that leads to.)
Okay…I will start with some of the basics and fundamentals first. And, I will continue to build on those fundamentals as I share the rest of the game plan – including those powerful ‘romantic seduction’ processes (which will come later.)
First of all, let’s talk about what you should not be doing…
Don’t Go Overboard
Yes, you want to impress her, you want to give her an amazing experience that she will look back on fondly.
But…don’t forget the fact that you have to start out by going on a first date. (Without that, you can’t get to the other dates.)
So…don’t go overboard on the first date. As I touched on above, if you make it too elaborate or over-the-top, you will scare her away.
Again, keep in mind, she’s not your wife or even your girlfriend. You’re not giving her a 5-year anniversary date here.
If you want any of the above to be a possibility in the future, or even if you just want to see her again after that first date, you must not do anything to scare her away nor make her feel “creepy.” (You never want to make a woman feel creepy. That is the kiss of death.)
That means you do not want to have a flock of doves flying out of anything. No smoke messages or banners passing by, up in the sky. Don’t show up at her front door with an entire flower garden.
And, don’t do the “candlelight dinner while Barry White plays in the background” either. Save that stuff for future dates. It’s really not “first date” stuff. She hardly knows you at this point. And besides, doing that kind of stuff will make her wonder about your motives and intentions.
Yes…you do want to show her that you made an effort, that you care about her enough to not just wing it. But, don’t make her think you’re about to propose to her.
I’m sure you get the idea. I am going to give you specific examples of what you can do, later in the report anyway. So don’t worry. After you’re done reading this report, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what to do, and what not to do.
Now, let’s talk about the overall process of what you should be doing…
Give Her A Story
As I’ve touched on earlier, women want to feel the same way they do when they watch one of those great romantic comedies, ‘chick flicks,’ or what they read in a great romance novel. But, they want to feel all of that for real.
They want to experience the same thing personally, and have it unfold in their own lives…with a real guy.
So, let’s talk about what it is, about a great movie, that makes such a huge emotional impact on people… in this case, women.
For starters, a great movie tells a great story. And every great story has a plot…it has an interesting beginning, an ending that leaves you satisfied…but most importantly, it has lots of chapters in between.
And, each new chapter is like a mini story in itself. Each new chapter gives the woman a new emotional high and a slightly different experience. It shows her something new, or it reminds her of a past significant moment.
Note: Not all of the above emotional peaks in these chapters are positive ones. Some are negative ones. They can make her sad, or upset, make her miss a past experience, or remind her of a heartbreak.
And, believe it or not, those negative emotional peaks are just as important to have in a good story. That is, as long as each of those negative emotional peaks is followed by a positive one – that lifts her back up again!
And, each time that she gets lifted back up again, she goes even higher than the last time. (If you can understand that one concept alone, your persuasive and seductive powers can skyrocket. But, perhaps that stuff is best suited for another report.)
So, during just one story, the woman gets to feel happy, sad, excited, romantic, heartbroken, attraction or even lust, laughter, serendipity, loneliness, the prize (for him,) angry, fulfilled, and more. And… she gets to feel all of those different emotions within a span of two hours!
Again, all of the above may seem like a tall order…and a lot to give her on the first date. But there are ways to do it.
The easiest way to give her a similar feeling of a story unfolding is to break your date up into “events,” i.e. mini beginnings and endings. And, each event will be somewhat different from the previous one.
Therefore, instead of taking her out to just dinner (or even dinner and a movie – which is a safe bet, and can work if done right,) you could go to several locations, that have different things to offer…including different atmospheres, moods, experiences, and yes, different emotional reactions.
You could start at a bar, pub (or restaurant) just for drinks, first. Then, go to (another) restaurant for dinner. Then take a short walk from there, on your way to a nice, local gelato (or another dessert) place.
Just that simple change shown above can make a huge difference in upgrading your date. (But, don’t worry, there’s a lot more I will share with you.)
You could even add in the dinner and movie aspect to the above “events” list. But… instead of doing the usual “dinner and a movie,” switch things up. Go to the movie first!
So, you could catch an early showing of the movie before dinner. That way, you could have lots to talk about during dinner, even if you couldn’t think of anything else to say besides talking about the movie. That can take a lot of the pressure off the usual dining experience where you’re both a bit nervous and want the date to go well…and can’t think of anything interesting to talk about.
Also, by seeing the movie first, you will both already have something in common (the movie) even before you start talking to each other. You would have already started the date off by having a “shared experience” (which is very important in bringing two people closer.) You would have exciting moments to talk about, jokes to share, and even silly moments to laugh at…all from the movie that you just watched together.
Important: If you do decide to go to a movie as part of your date, do not pick a romantic comedy. I realize that sounds like the opposite of what this strategy is about – but it’s not. The reason is, you don’t want her to be thinking about anything that resembles “dating disasters,” “awkward moments,” or even relationship challenges while she’s sitting next to you – especially on the first date.
It would be a lot better if you took her to watch something exciting and explosive, like a popular thriller. That way, she can come out of the movie feeling excited, thrilled, elated, etc. (And…you’ll have lots of stuff to talk about, also related to that movie, i.e. those emotions.)
Note: If you don’t want to, or can’t afford to pay for dinner at an expensive restaurant, that’s just fine. Pricey restaurants are kind of ‘played out’ for first dates anyway. It’s much better to be more casual as far as dining goes. (Besides, if she just wants to get an expensive dinner out of you, you probably shouldn’t waste your time on that kind of woman anyway.)
The same goes for the other activities that make up your date as well. They don’t have to cost a lot, especially if you don’t want it to. Just pick a few different low-cost but fun things to do. (The keyword is fun. Your goal is to get her to experience a few different positive emotions.)
Here’s another major bonus for taking her through multiple events during the same date…
By naturally moving her from one location to another, and creating these mini beginnings and endings multiple times, her mind will – on some level – view each new location as another date!
In other words, after you’ve taken her through these mini events, she will feel like she has gone out on several dates with you. That means you would have speeded up time in her mind! And, she would feel a lot closer to you now than she would have after going to just one location, i.e. one date. (Pretty clever, eh?
Okay…let’s build on that.
Laughter, Fun, Uniqueness
Whenever a large number of women are surveyed, they always put “sense of humor” as one of the top qualities they look for in a mate. A guy that can make a woman laugh usually ends up winning the “date race” against other, seemingly more successful (even better-looking) men.
Laughter has the amazing power to open up a woman, to let her easily drop down her defenses, let down her hair, and just have fun – and enjoy the moment to its fullest. And when they can have more fun while you’re around, they will associate the act of “having fun” with you.
I have an entire report, titled “Laugh Her Into Bed” that lays out a step-by-step plan of how to seduce women with laughter, which you may want to check out.
For the purposes of this report, it would help if you came to the date with a fun, playful state of mind and came prepared with some hilarious jokes and stories to sprinkle into the overall conversation and interaction of the evening.
Of course, make sure that the jokes and funny stories are not offensive, i.e. no religious, political, racial, gender-biased stuff. Test your material out on other women if you want to be sure they would pass the ‘non-offensive’ test. (Or just get my other report and nail this down.)
Aside from laughter, you would also want to introduce some aspect of fun and games.
A great – and simple – way to do that is to play games which put “you and her” against “the rest of the world.” It allows you to create a “secret” and private world with her that only the two of you share and know about. (This is also a great way to create another “shared experience” – which I will talk more about soon.)
For example, while you’re having dinner at a restaurant (or wherever there are other couples around,) you can play the game called “Who’s On Their First Date,” or if you’re more daring, “Who Just Got Some.”
The object of the game, as the names suggest, is to look at the couples around you and guess as to which of them are on their first date, and then explain your reasons….or… guess as to who among them have just had sex, and once again explain why you think so, as well as how recently you think they did it.
You can make these games a lot more fun by picking the oddest, unlikeliest couples – and then try to explain to her (your date) why you think they are the most likely candidates. It’s almost a guaranteed way to make her laugh. (Example: An old (70+) couple where your reason would be that “the man happens to be grinning or colorfully dressed,” etc.)
A lot of fun can also be had by taking your date to a carnival – or by making one of the “events” of your date be a visit to a carnival.
A carnival can offer several emotional peaks. First of all, it is a place filled with fun and games, including foods/snacks, activities and experiences that you don’t get to enjoy on a regular basis. It can also bring about the feeling of nostalgia.
But most importantly, a carnival is a place that appeals to the kid inside her. It gives her permission to put her worries, cares, insecurities, hang-ups and walls aside and to just be a kid again – and just have fun.
And, if she allows herself to be comfortable enough around you to just let go and have fun, she will begin to feel a closeness and connection with you that usually takes several dates, weeks or even months to bring about.
Packing a basket and going for a picnic, watching a show at the park, going ice-skating, etc. can all be fun activities – either as the actual date or as one of the events during the date. (Obviously, I recommend the latter.)
Of course, be mindful of the specifications of such activities.
For example, you wouldn’t want to have a picnic in an overly secluded/isolated area that’s too far away from civilization. And, you probably wouldn’t want to have it in the dark, or too close to sunset. (Because you wouldn’t want her to fear for her safety or wonder if you’re a serial killer or something…even for a split second.)
Introducing her to something new can usually be a good idea…provided it’s not too ‘out there’ and doesn’t make her feel stupid, insecure, or otherwise make her look bad in any way.
Also, if you decide to pick something that requires some physical exertion, i.e. any physical activity that may get her sweating or may require her to have appropriate attire and gear (like ice- skating,) it may be wise to find out how she feels about such things beforehand. (She may just not be the type who wants to perspire in front of you, especially on her first date.)
Another great and somewhat unique, activity to do with her is to do an open house tour (or two.) The great thing about the above is, it will give you lots of interesting things to talk about and
discuss – as you’re walking through a house that probably belongs to somebody else, i.e. it will give you an idea of what the residents’ tastes and sense of style are. And, the two of you can start discussing any or all of those things.
In addition to the above, doing an open house tour can also get you both to revisit past memories. You can talk about what it was like for you as kids, growing up. Or it can open up conversations about each other’s families. All of these subjects and discussions can bring the two of you closer. You will come across moments where you feel a connection with each other.
You can even combine the above activity with the “fun and games” aspect. For example, you could pretend (to the tour guide) to be a couple looking for their first home. You could even tell her beforehand to “just follow my lead” or to “play along” as you go into the home(s) and start telling these ‘fictional’ stories to the tour guide/realtor, about who you both are, what you do, etc.
You may want to check out the papers/listings beforehand (i.e. before your date) and pick different styles of homes (and in different price ranges) and just see what kind of conversation emerges as the two of you take the tour(s.) You will get to learn a lot about each other as you go through these different styles of homes.
You may once again find yourselves naturally discussing each other’s tastes, goals, future plans, etc. which will (again) create a bonding experience, bring you closer, and make you feel more comfortable and connected with each other.
Important: When I say ‘future plans,’ I don’t mean that you should talk about when you want to get married or how many children you want to have, etc. That’s a bit too much for the first date. So, don’t bring that stuff up unless she does and/or starts to ask you questions about those things.
Other activities that are unique and/or creates the sense of adventure, thrill, or even a hint of danger (without actually being dangerous) can be fun as well. Anything that gets her to have a peak emotional experience would be good.
You could enjoy a ferry ride and have a picnic (or dinner) on the ferry itself.
Race cars, go-carts, hot air ballooning, etc. can all be great if done safely. (Of course, you would never want to force her or try to convince her too hard about trying something that she really doesn’t feel good about. And, as mentioned earlier, have backup plans/activities ready.)
A great way to add the emotions of thrill, adventure, and even danger (without actually being dangerous) is to take her on one of those 3D illusion rides – if you have one in your area – where she’s flying over cities at high speeds or is being shot into space, etc.
(Obviously, you’d want to find out in advance if she has a fear of heights, has any allergies, or tends to get seasick, motion sick, etc. so you can avoid doing any of those activities.)
Mood, Atmosphere, Ambiance
As you take her through these different locations or events, you will also take her through a range of moods/atmosphere/ambiance as well as scenery changes. And each one will have a slightly different effect on her.
For example, a bar, pub or nightclub may be loud, crowded and lively…the restaurant may be quieter and romantic…the museum may be sophisticated and uplifting…a carnival may be loud and crowded but with (obviously) a completely different feel than a pub…the dessert place may be fun, bright, and decadent…and so on.
Please understand that this is not just about doing a bunch of different things with her. Sure, that would beat the pants out of a regular ‘dinner and movie’ date. But, a more powerful strategy is to choose those different things – or events – wisely, so that each one can impact her in different ways emotionally.
Remember, humans (especially females) are driven by emotion. Everything else is just a means to that end.
When women receive gifts such as flowers or jewelry, it’s not so much the actual items that they love. It’s how those items make them feel. And, it’s how the act of receiving those items make them feel.
In the end, it’s all about emotions. The more she can feel certain emotions during her date with you, the more meaningful and memorable the date (and you) will be for her. The more she will tend to talk it up to her friends. (And, her friends will, in turn, reinforce her mentally about “how amazing” you are.)
Also, for these emotions to have the most impact on her, it’s important to take her through a series of emotional changes, ups, and downs…and even highs and lows (if you know what you’re doing.)
Women love to experience serendipitous moments, especially when it’s related to romance, love, and/or relationships. They love to come across “happy accidents” and “pleasant surprises,” and they can often view these events as significant moments…not just in the scope of the date but in their life as well.
I remember a show where a guy took a woman out on a date. And as they were walking down a dirt path out in the country, they noticed an old bicycle propped up against a tree. And no other human seemed to be around, for miles. So, the man (being spontaneous) suggested that the two of them go for a ride on the bicycle. And, they had a fun, slightly mischevious time doing that.
It may not seem like a big deal to you, or to most guys, but to a girl who’s out on a first date with a guy, that little bicycle ride falls in the category of a “pleasant surprise” or a “happy accident.” And, whenever she remembers that first date, you can bet that she will remember that entire, somewhat strange incident of finding an abandoned bike (as if being placed just for them) and being spontaneous about having fun riding it.
I have personally experienced something cool during a hike, where a deer came out of the woods and approached us, looking for food. Within a minute, 2 of her little ones followed, and then the pappa deer, with the big horns came trotting along as well. Within minutes, we were surrounded by an entire family of deer. It was amazing, exciting, and a little scary…all at the same time.
(Talk about experiencing emotional peaks!)
It doesn’t have to be a huge, life-changing moment. Just something that is unexpected, somewhat impactful, and happens to make the day – and experience – a little bit better.
Now…I’m not going to suggest that you manufacture a moment like this and secretly slip it into the course of the date. But, I do know of situations where some men (and even women) have done just that, in order to give their date a touch of that ‘serendipitous’ air.
Most guys are anything but subtle. And, most of them think they are subtler (or quicker, sneakier) than they really are.
To make matters worse, women happen to be very good at reading body language. So, even when you may think you were being subtle, there’s a very good chance that she noticed you sneak a
peek at the waitress’s chest as she leaned over…or her butt as she walked away from your table.
You know what I’m getting at, don’t you…
When you’re out on a date with a woman, one of the worst things you can do is to check out other women around you – whether you do it on purpose or by accident. A much worse thing still is to actually flirt with other women, including your server, while your date is right there. (It’s not easy to recover from something that bone-headed.)
On the other hand, one of the most captivating things you can do is to give her your undivided attention.
My advice to you, when you’re out a date with a woman, is to make her your world. Forget for the night that other women even exist. Don’t let those other women have any power over you.
Now, let me be clear… when I say “make her your world,” I don’t mean that you should stare at her the entire night without blinking – or hang on her every word. That would put you in the “creepy” category. And, you never want to be in the ‘creepy’ category. (That would be the opposite of what we’re trying to accomplish.)
What I mean is, give her the night. Give her that slot of your time. And give her your undivided attention. Listen to her – really listen to her. Try to get in touch with who she is on the inside. Forget about how hot she may look on the outside while she’s having an actual conversation with you, and really try to get to know who she is as a person.
You will impress the heck out of her by doing so, especially because most guys never do this. They’re either half-listening to her and half trying to look down her blouse, or they’re looking around at everybody else except her, or they’re fiddling around with their cell phone (which is incredibly annoying for women.)
And, yes, most guys are also blatantly checking other women out. So, beware…when you’re out with a woman, other women will try to get your attention or pretend to flirt with you.
For some women, the only way they can get a brush to their ego is to get your attention and make you squirm and/or to try to make your date feel jealous, insecure, etc. by getting you to give them your attention instead of to your date. Don’t fall for it.
Also, your server may very well flirt with you too. Probably not because she wants you. But because she either 1) needs a brush to her ego, 2) wants to get a bigger tip from you, or 3) both of those reasons.
Let me repeat…do not fall for it! Especially if you want your actual date to go well.
It Just Happened
Have you ever heard a woman respond with, “It just happened,” …or… “one thing led to another” or something similar when asked about how or why she slept with a particular guy?
In the above situations, the “guy” in question usually happens to be odd, off-limits, out of reach, or just an unlikely/surprising candidate for the woman to have chosen. So, naturally, everyone that knows the woman personally becomes curious as to how it happened, or why she decided to sleep with that guy.
Of course, her response is often a sign that she didn’t plan for it to happen …that things just naturally headed in that direction, and she ended up in bed with the guy.
My point is, when things appear to unfold naturally…when one thing seems to lead to the other, women end up falling for (or sleeping with) men that they probably wouldn’t have pursued otherwise.
They can’t help but go along with it, because it feels…natural. And, it appeals to the women’s vision of serendipity, fate, romance, and so on.
Now… imagine how easily a woman would fall for a guy that she did decide to go out with on purpose if things were to unfold and progress just as smoothly and naturally as those “it just happened” moments.
Well…lucky for you, you can actually create a situation that’s very similar to the “one thing leads to another” situation.
The way to do that is to let her feel being pulled towards you, slowly and progressively, over the course of your date.
You see, most guys tend to come on too strong – and they don’t let up…or… they don’t come on at all, and they keep that show going all throughout the date too.
The key to reeling her in is to give her a little pull, and then release. Then pull in once more, and ease up again…and so on. After several of these “pulls and releases,” she will end up right on top of you. (Forgive the metaphor.)
In other words, it’s like taking 2 steps forward, then one step back. Repeatedly. And, at the end of the process, you would have gone much further ahead than you were when you started.
So, after each instance of pulling her in towards you, you have to ease up in order to let her get used to being one step closer to you… let her get comfortable with the idea – and with that space in her mind – of being close to you than she was just a minute ago.
Also, when you ease up the tension after pulling her in, she will wonder why you have eased up. And, that will make her want to be pulled in more. That means, your next pull will be much
easier to do because she will already be ready for the next pull. In fact, she may often pull herself just a little bit closer to you before you execute the next pull.
The point is, this consistent pull towards you won’t feel forced to her. It will feel natural. It will look like “one thing is leading to another” – without her feeling weird or being pushed.
That is exactly the opposite of how she feels with most other guys. (Because most other guys continue to try to pull her in, without easing up…or…they just continue to push themselves on her. Neither of those strategies works very well.)
Note: One thing to be careful of, during the ‘easing’ stages is to not ease up for too long. If you ease up the tension for too long, she may start to get too comfortable. If she starts to get too comfortable, things can start to slip into the “friend zone,” at least in her mind.
Therefore, pull her in, then ease up for a bit…and then pull her back in again, a little further. Then ease up again. But, keep the overall momentum going. Your goal is to keep things flowing smoothly, in the forward direction.
Okay…now, let’s discuss how you can do this, i.e. how you can pull her in towards you, and then ease up and let her want to be pulled in even more.
I’ll illustrate the above scenario with an example…
You can start off by paying her a compliment about something that you just discovered about her. (For this instance, it has to be a compliment that isn’t about her looks, clothing, or physical attributes. It must be something that shows a positive quality about her, as a person.)
And, immediately after you give her that positive compliment, make it seem like you’re stopping yourself from liking her too much.
Let’s say that you just found out about her volunteering at the senior citizen’s home. And, you respond with…
“Wow, that’s very cool. It’s really great that you take time out of your schedule to help other people, without wanting or expecting anything in return. It’s actually one of the top 3 qualities I admire in a person… I’d better be careful of you, I don’t want to start liking you too much so soon. [Smile]”
Make sure that the compliment portion above is delivered in a completely sincere way. And, the last sentence can be said in a more smiling and half-joking kind of way.
As you can see above, you first noticed something positive about her (besides her physical attributes,) and you made her feel good about it by acknowledging it and paying her a compliment. You also showed her that noticing something positive about her personality is what made you like her more (vs. just her outer beauty.)
But… you also commented about ‘slowing down’ internally so that you wouldn’t fall for her too much, too soon.
Think about how different the above scenario is compared to what most guys do with women. At any rate, first, you made her feel good about herself. But then you “stopped” yourself, which will make her want you to keep going, and make her want to feel even better about herself, i.e. she will want to hear more compliments, especially now that it appears you’re stopping yourself.
In other words, she wants her good feelings to continue. More so because you’ve made it appear that you are going to stop.
Also, you slipped in a comment that her being a giving/generous person is just “one of the top 3 qualities” you admire in a person. So, now she will be curious to find out what the other two qualities are, that you admire…and she will, on some level, want to impress you further by hopefully matching your other two top/favorite qualities as well. (And also get to feel good about herself, in the process.)
Now… if you were like most guys, you would not pull back (or release) after the pull in. Most guys would continue to try to pull in more and more. And, that would either come across as fake compliments, or it would make her uncomfortable, make her start questioning your motives, etc.
Here’s another quick example…
Let’s say that you kept the fun and delight of your date going, and she continued to enjoy herself. And, you came to a high point during the interaction and happened to kiss her for the first time.
Here again, most guys would try to rush things to 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th base – immediately after they get that first kiss. And, that’s when the doors will slam shut. (Just because she’s ready to enjoy the first kiss doesn’t mean she’s ready to be groped all over.)
Instead, what you should do – after sharing that first kiss together, is to just relax (read: you would pull back)…and talk some more, hold hands, hug, whatever. You would just enjoy her company instead of trying to rush things to the next (physical) level so soon after kissing her for the first time.
By doing so, you would show her that you’re not just interested in having sex with her, that you actually enjoy hanging out with her and you will give her a chance to adjust and become comfortable about taking that last major step towards you, i.e. having the first kiss.
She will appreciate the fact that you’re not rushing her. And, the experience will give her the feeling of that “natural” and “it just happened” flow, where “one thing leads to the next” without being forced or pressured.
Keep in mind that, in order for things to appear to be flowing smoothly and naturally, she shouldn’t ever feel awkward, defensive or rushed about anything. (If you tried to push things too far ahead, immediately after that first kiss, it would definitely become uncomfortable, awkward, and maybe even a bit scary for her.)
The key point for you to remember is, after every significant step forward in the relationship (or dynamic) between the two of you, you must pull back a little and relax – to give her time to digest what just happened and to give her a chance to become comfortable with it…before she can allow herself to proceed further with you.
While we’re on the subject of “it just happened,” let me also talk briefly about “touching” in general.
The very first time you touch her (which should be done as early on in the date as possible,) make it appear to be accidental or at least incidental. Examples:
- • You may reach over for something and your arm accidentally brushes against hers.
- • As you pull out her chair for her to sit, you incidentally place your hand on her back, to gently guide her to her seat.
- • At a high point during the conversation, when you’re both excited about something, or at least when you get excited about something she said that you find impressive or worth congratulating her for, you can gesture to “high five” her…. or, you can even give her a sincere hug…or maybe even a kiss on the cheek…depending on what the situation calls for.
All of the seemingly small touches above may seem insignificant, but they are all required, in order to allow her to expand her comfort level – with you. And, they work because none of them appear to be “forced” on her.
You see, each time you touch her “accidentally (or even incidentally,) she gets used to that type of touch – from you, without feeling weird about the way it happened.
That means, the next time you touch her in the same way – even if you let it be known that you’re doing it on purpose this time, she will be fine with it because you already got her used to being touched in that way, by you (by the earlier accidental or incidental touch.)
Does that make sense?
Next…you can also use the above “accidental touch” followed by a “deliberate touch” pattern to continue to touch her in more and more intimate ways. And, as long as you follow the above pattern, she will continue to let you touch her in more and more personal ways (and areas.)
And, once again, you will give her the impression of “one thing leading to the other” in a natural and comfortable way.
Of course, if at any point, you feel that she starts to become uncomfortable, you can simply pull back…give her some time to get more comfortable with you, and then try the move again later.
It’s Not a “Friend” Date
When I tell men that they should start touching the woman whom they are on a date with and that they should start touching her as early on in the date as possible, guys usually wonder if the touching will make the woman uncomfortable, upset or angry.
And, when I tell men that they should start the evening out by complimenting the woman on how she looks, and maybe even notice if she’s wearing any unique jewelry or accessory – and compliment her on that too, these guys again wonder if that would offend the woman or upset her in any way.
If you have ever in your life wondered about any of the above things, let me make this very clear to you, once and for all so that you will never question or wonder about this again…
If she agreed to go out on a date with you…and, if she then followed through and did go out on a date with you, it means that she likes you.
If she didn’t like you, on some level, she wouldn’t be going out on a date with you.
So…if she likes you, and she’s out on a date with you, then she wants you to flirt with her (as long as you don’t go overboard or get too sexual with it right away.)
And…she wants you to touch her…again, as long as you don’t over-do it by groping her right away.
In fact, one of the most common complaints women have about men on first dates is that they either don’t flirt with her at all….or they end up being too obnoxious and creepy.
Most men can’t seem to figure out the fact that the best option is the middle ground. Let me also make something else very clear…
If you don’t flirt with her a little bit…if you don’t show her that you are interested in, and attracted to her, she will start to assume that you are not interested in – nor attracted to – her.
Or…she will first wonder about why you aren’t flirting with her or complimenting her…and then she will assume that you’re not attracted to her anymore.
And the moment she starts to feel that way, she will start to go cold on you. She will assume that you only see a “friendship” potential in her. Therefore, she will immediately start to place you in the “friend zone” – especially because she won’t want to embarrass herself by flirting with you when you clearly “aren’t interested in that.”
If you want this date to go well, stay the hell out of the “friend zone.” If you try to act too laid back, chill or take on the “silent, mysterious” role, you will start to head towards the friend zone.
Let me clarify that… this doesn’t mean that you should spill your guts about your entire life to her in the first 10 minutes. A little mystery is good. But, you have to show her that this is not a “just wanna be friends” date. Or else, she will give you exactly that.
So, flirt with her, touch her, tell her that she looks amazing, beautiful, etc. (without over-doing it, of course.)
Staying out of the “friend zone” and making it clear to her that this isn’t a “just friends” type of date also means that you should look nice for her.
Dress well. Don’t just throw something on as if you’re going to hang out with your beer buddies. And…pay attention to the other important (related) stuff as well…
If you have bad breath or stained/dirty teeth, you can kiss your chances of getting a kiss goodbye. (Brush, carry mints…and get your teeth cleaned and/or whitened if needed.)
The same goes for your fingernails. Make sure they are clean and trimmed. Dirty fingernails will make her think twice about letting you touch her.
And, greasy or dirty hair will have a similar effect on her.
My advice to you is to take a shower before your date and be well-groomed and well-dressed. Remember, this is not a “friend” date. Friends don’t care how they look when all they’re doing is hanging out with “just friends.”
So, don’t let your attire and grooming make her feel like you just want to “hang out” as friends. Show her that you care. Show her that you do want to look good in front of her. Show her that you’re interested in her enough to make an effort – even if you normally don’t keep up with regular cleaning and grooming.
However, it’s usually not the best idea to buy something new, just for the first date. Mostly because you don’t want to be fidgeting or appear uncomfortable if the new item of clothing or accessory that you bought doesn’t quite fit right.
In other words, dress well but be comfortable. (Similarly, don’t wear a tie if you’re not used to having it around your neck, and so on.)
It’s Not a “Boy” Date
In addition to making sure you don’t make her think you’re on a “friend” date, it’s also important to show her that you’re not on a “boy” date either.
Women – even the younger ones – don’t want to date “boys.” They want to date men. So, what is it that differentiates the men from the boys?
For starters, men are mature and boys are immature. That means you shouldn’t appear childish, shallow or too irresponsible.
You should definitely not brag or boast about your job, your car, your house, your bank balance or any of that. (There are much more subtle ways to let those details be relayed to her. Bragging is not it.)
It also means that you shouldn’t display other childish or crude behaviors. Don’t chew loudly. Try not to talk with your mouth full. And…most importantly, eat like you’re enjoying your meal. Savor it. Don’t shove it in like a garbage disposal. (Savoring it will also relay to her that you like to take your time and really indulge in pleasurable experiences – instead of rushing it and being done as quickly as possible. Get it?)
A man also has opinions, preferences, and likes/dislikes. That means, you shouldn’t agree with everything she says, just to impress her or to try to get her to like you. (That’s what boys do.)
Agree with her if and when you really mean it. Otherwise, state your own opinions, preferences and tastes…even if you do it with a smile and/or in a fun way.
That doesn’t mean you should fight or argue with her. And it doesn’t mean that you should argue over things like religion or politics. (There are no winners in those situations.)
But, don’t insult or annoy her, or make her feel stupid. You can be a gentleman and still disagree. Just be a man about it.
If she starts to notice that you’re agreeing with everything she says or does, without having any opinion or say of your own, she will lose respect for you. And, she will also start to wonder about your motives.
And yes, that also means that you are going to flirt with her a little and let her know that you’re a man…and that you are attracted to her, a woman. And, that you’re not going to apologize or make excuses for being and feeling that way.
Handle Her “Tests”
Being a man also means that you can handle her little “tests” that she throws at you.
If you don’t already know, women love to test men. They do it because it’s fun, and they love to see a grown man squirm. And, they also do it to see if you really are a “man.”
If she does try to test you, by poking at you a little bit, or roasting you, or whatever, you have to appear unaffected. In fact, it is even better if you laugh it off, or even poke her back a little bit.
Remember, she’s only doing it to either make you squirm or see how well you perform under a little pressure.
So, just have fun, laugh it off, correct her if she’s wrong about you in some way, etc.
It may even excite her to see that you’re not squirming or sweating like most guys, during her “tests.” That’s always a welcome surprise for women.
And, whatever you do….do not get angry or upset. Do not go off the handle because that will cost you.
While we’re on the subject, let me also caution you about getting angry or upset in general.
Do not lose your temper over anything. (Most things aren’t worth getting upset over anyway.) That means, if the waiter gets your order wrong, don’t get angry. If someone cuts you off while you’re driving, don’t get angry.
But… don’t be a doormat either. You can laugh it off, or make a sarcastic remark after the incident (i.e. after the waiter has left, etc.) or you can even say “well, that wasn’t fun” to relay that you weren’t entirely happy about the incident.
But do not get angry…and do not let the incident(s) ruin your evening. (You may even vocalize that part by saying, “ah well…we’re not going to let that ruin the rest of our dinner/evening/date.”
You also do not want to bring up anything about your ex-girlfriends or wives – unless she specifically asks about that.
(This is another common complaint that women have about men that they go out on dates with. It seems that men can’t seem to shut up about their Ex’s.)
And if the subject of Ex’s does come up (because she initiated it,) you cannot start saying negative things about your Ex’s or calling her/them a bitch or “the devil” or any of that stuff. That will make her think that you’re still not over her…or that you still have too many unresolved issues, or that you’re generally an angry/bitter person.
If you have to, and only if she asks, you could simply say “we didn’t share the same perspectives or views”…or…” it just wasn’t a good match.” And, if she decides to dig some more, just be civil about your responses.
In fact, it may actually help to subtly let her know that you are still friends with your Ex. But, you don’t have to lie about it if that’s really not the case.
Your overall goal throughout the date – and especially by removing the “friend” or “boy” type of date, is to get her to feel postive emotions, revisit positve memories and experiences, and to have an overall pleasant and memorable time with you.
That also means that you should not do or say things that will remind her of her previous bad dates, which could trigger bad memories, and bring up negative emotions.
And, you definitely don’t want her to mentally associate you with any of her past old, bad, negative experiences.
Always keep that in mind. If you refrain from giving her the “just friends” or “boy” date, you will generally do fine.
The Best Moments…
As you take a woman through each portion, chapter, or “event” of your date, you will get to share a lot of experiences and emotions with each other. You will also get to share a few stories and tidbits about each other’s lives.
In other words, you would have gotten to know each other a lot better, after going through each new chapter/event of the date. You may have experienced some bonding as well as some moments of “connection.”
And, now, it’s time to take things even further if you haven’t already discussed these things with her.
That means, only do the following process (below) after you have already shared some of yourselves with each other and feel more comfortable talking about things that are somewhat personal. If you get into the process (below) too soon, it may seem weird or uncomfortable for her to open up.
You can start this process by talking about and sharing your “best moments in life” with each other.
Ask her about hers… and let her share some significant moments and experiences from her past.
It’s actually a great idea to start by asking her about her childhood. What were some of the best moments of her childhood or when she was younger, i.e. not an adult yet.
These can be about her accomplishments, amazing experiences, most fun and/or memorable times, etc. And, you can share yours with her too.
Then ask her about her best moments in life as an adult.
Asking her about hers and sharing yours with her will make her feel even more connected to you. She may even start to feel like she’s known you for a lot longer than she really has (which would usually be just a few hours.)
It may also be very possible that she hasn’t consciously thought about or talked about these experiences for many years. So, you will definitely make her smile and feel good as she shares these past events and experiences with you.
It’s a great way to continue to give her an amazing experience during her first date with you. But, it gets even better.
What’s Really Important…
Now, let me share with you something very powerful…in fact, so powerful that you probably shouldn’t use this on women that you do not want to go out with (or have a relationship with) in the future.
This is only to be used if you are thinking of something longer-term with a woman.
So… first of all, get to know each other a little bit by doing some of the stuff I have described earlier. Find out what her interests, beliefs and goals are.
And, if you still like who she is as a person, here’s a way to end your first date (or come close to the end,) with a bang…
Take her through the following process…
Elicit Her Values
Our values are what’s really important to us. Everything we do, have, and want in life is driven by our core values.
For example, when we buy a car, we don’t just buy it because it looks cool or drives fast or has a solid frame. Those are just surface level reasons.
The real reason most people buy a certain type of car is because of what they value…things like social status, i.e. respect…or safety and security….or to feel young again, etc.
So…in order to bond with your date, on a very strong and deep level, you can take her through the “value elicitation process.” And, you can do that by simply asking her these questions…
First of all, ask her, “If I were to ask you, what’s really important to you in your life…what would you say?”
She may reply by saying, “family”…or…”job/career”…or…”health”…etc.
Those are not bad answers. But, they’re not exactly her core values. So, you could acknowledge her answer, by saying something like, “I agree, family is very important.” And, then you can dig a little deeper, by asking…
“Why is family (or job, health, etc.) important to you, personally?”
And, she may reply with…”Because my family is always there for me when I need them.” Again, that’s a good answer…but not exactly what we’re looking for, i.e it doesn’t give us her
So, you can once again acknowledge her answer by saying something like, “Yes, family can be pretty cool that way, can’t they?”
Next, you can dig a little more, by asking…
“So, what does it feel like, knowing that your family is always there for you?”
And, she may reply with, “It makes me feel like I have they support, and love. And I love having that kind of connection with them.”
Ahh, …now we’re getting somewhere. “Love, support, connection.” Those are some of the things that are really important to her.
Make a mental note of those things. Store them away somewhere important inside your brain, for now.
Note: Just by getting her to talk about these things, and try to get to the core values that drive what’s important to her, you will get her to feel very good.
Next, you could ask her…
“What else is important to you, besides family? What else would you say is at the top of your list?”
Take her through the same process (as you did with the word “family”) and get her to share two more things that are most important to her in her life (for a total of three.)
By taking her through the value elicitation process three times, you would have created an incredible level of rapport and connection with her.
As I mentioned earlier, do not do this with a woman that you don’t want to experience a deep connection with.
This is not the kind of stuff you want to play around with. I mean that. It is powerful stuff. And, it will make her feel amazing – not just by talking about it but also because of the connection she will begin to feel with you.
I can pretty much guarantee you that no other man before you would have taken her through this kind of a fulfilling journey – especially when combined with all the other wonderful things you have gotten her to experience on your first date before this point.
And, you will definitely stand out in her mind, in a big way. You would have made a huge impact on her. And you can bet that she will be thinking about you that night, the next day, and the days to follow.
And…she will want to take things to the next level…whether it’s sharing that first kiss, becoming more passionate and physical with you…or deciding to make love to you.
So…as you take her through these process, be sure to pay attention to how she’s feeling as well as to the signals she may be giving you.
Remember, that in the end, you are a man and a woman…who are continuing to share amazing experiences – and parts of yourself – with each other. That can only lead to more sharing, and more intimate experiences.
It’s almost as if one thing seems to lead to the other…maybe even as if it is meant to be.
Putting It All Together
Wow… I have definitely covered a great deal of techniques, tips and strategies above, haven’t I?
Armed with the knowledge in this post, you could be quite dangerous, and you would probably give most men a run for their money.
The key is to arrange things (events) in a way that will take her up and down – like a roller coaster ride. You need to take her through different moods and emotions. Keep her on her toes. Mix it up!
How you specifically put all of the above pieces together is up to you. I’m not going to tell you exactly how to do that because I want you to choreograph the finer details of this dance (i.e. your first date) in a way that best suits you, your personality, and your style.
For example, I’m not going to tell you to take her to a fancy restaurant because you may not care for fancy restaurants – or you may not be comfortable in one.
I’m not going to tell you to take the ferry or go hot air balooning because (again) I don’t know if you’d enjoy or even be comfortable doing those things yourself.
Do you see what I’m getting at?
Yes… you have to enjoy this date as well. It’s not just about giving the woman an incredible experience. Because, if you’re not having fun, she’ll notice it – and that will suck the fun out of her evening as well.
That means, in order to give her an amazing experience, you have to be right there with her! You have to choose the “events” that you enjoy as well.
She is going to have an amazing experience because she’ll get to do it with someone, which in this case is you. And, by sharing these amazing experiences with you, she will also associate all those amazing emotions with you.
Do that, and she will go home and think about you – a lot. She will want to see you again, very soon. And…she will look forward to sharing more experiences – and more of herself – with you.
You will be in high demand, my friend. So, get used to it. I won’t need to wish you all the best, because you will be the best after this!