Becoming the Girl Men Adore (Capture His Heart)
If you asked most women today what type of girl men adore and couldn’t live without they would answer that she would have to be an Angelina Jolie lookalike or at the very least be blond, blue-eyed and have killer legs.
While this type of woman would definitely attract a lot of attention, she actually isn’t the type of woman that men adore.
Now girls, that’s really good news for most of us!
You see, while men are visual creatures and that first attraction is sparked from looks, you would be surprised to find out how much more men actually want from women.
For example, a team of sociologists conducted a study, trying to understand if there was a common denominator that men found attractive in women; that one thing that would get any guy to want to go over and talk to a girl.
You would never guess what the result was. No, it wasn’t her breasts, her legs or her bum.
In fact, it wasn’t any body part below her chin and it wasn’t her features, either.
It was her smile. The majority of men stated that they found nothing as attractive as a woman’s smile.
The point of this revelation is that you have to put your preconceived notions and the rules society has beaten into you all to one side. You need to understand that fundamentally, men and women are different and it’s alright to be a woman.
There’s nothing wrong with giving up control to your partner once in a while, especially since it will make you feel better as well.
Society may have placed men and women on equal footing in the workplace and perhaps some other areas of our lives.
While it is absolutely true that a woman can do almost anything a man can do and vice-versa, it is also true that we have fundamental differences that we are hardwired with.
The problem is that when we try to overlook those differences and pretend they don’t exist, as women, we end up shutting ourselves away from the world in an attempt to be more like the men we feel a need to compete with.
Generally, this is most prevalent in the workplace, but, unfortunately a lot of women carry this behavior over into their personal lives and they end up hurting themselves as well as their partners.
Women are often afraid to be women, to appear feminine or vulnerable because they equate it with being weak.
However, quite the opposite is true, because a woman who is in tune with herself and shows her vulnerability wields much more power over a man than if she were to constantly act tough.
We will be exploring many of the differences between men and women in this book and how it is that those differences give us more strength than any rules society may seek to impose upon us.
And once you allow your inner woman to shine through, then you will become the girl that all men adore and can’t live without.
Being a Woman
A lot of the problems we have in our relationships stem from a lack of understanding, in other words we have no idea why guys act the way they do. In fact, they often don’t know why they act the way they do so it’s no surprise we have trouble deciphering their responses.
However, before we begin to explore these fundamental differences, it’s worth taking a step back and looking at ourselves in the mirror because if we don’t learn to finally accept who and what we are, we will never be able to make the necessary changes to become the woman men adore.
The biggest problem we have right now is our perception of ourselves. Women’s lib has been taken to a whole new level and from simply meaning that women should have equal rights to men in society, it has come to mean that women should not be women and they should act more like men.
The reason for this is quite simple. Men are competitive by nature, women are not.
Therefore, to succeed in the workplace, more and more women have had to become just as competitive as men and in many cases more so because they start out with a handicap in the eyes of the competition.
They are women. Unfortunately, though, many women have taken this competition to a whole new level and their drive to succeed has convinced them that being a woman means being weak, so they have to shut off their feelings and act more like the guys they work with.
Sadly women are grossly mistaken because our femininity is in no way a weakness, but, in fact, a strength, as it is the one thing that allows us to influence men much more effectively than any argument or competition ever will. Men are disarmed by a woman’s softness simply because men were designed to fight and women were designed to nurture.
Women Offer Advice, Men Offer Solutions
What many women don’t seem to understand is that men are completely different. They process information differently, they relate to one another differently, they express themselves differently.
However, a woman who understands these differences will become a priceless gem that men will adore. John Gray, in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus explains it wonderfully: “Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.”
In fact, it is these exact differences between men and women that spark passion and love because otherwise men wouldn’t need women and vice versa.
Yes, it is quite possible to understand men and it is probably easier for us to understand them than the other way around. And no, you haven’t stepped into an episode of the Twilight Zone.
First of all, you need to understand that men are primarily driven by success and accomplishment. They value tangible results, efficiency and power and everything they do is geared towards proving themselves.
Men won’t sit around and talk about their feelings, instead they prefer to engage in competitive activities where they can win. It gives them the chance to show off their superiority over other males.
You won’t find a man reading the latest issue of People or Cosmo but instead he will read the sports section of the paper or the news. He cares little about romance novels because he is more interested in things rather than feelings.
And he likes things that help him express power, whether a fancy sports car or the latest gadgets and gizmos.
Solutions vs Advice
Men are goal driven and they feel good about themselves when they manage to achieve their goals because they prove that they are worthy and competent. If they do so on their own then that is an even greater testament to their power and strength.
Because men are hardwired to solve their problems on their own they rarely talk about them. When they do, it means they need advice and help.
If women can understand this side of men, then they will understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It makes them feel incompetent and they feel that you don’t trust them to solve the problem.
This is also why men tend to offer solutions when women talk to them about their problems. It is because if another man were to share his problems, it is an unspoken request for help so he feels honored to provide a solution.
When he provides a solution for the woman he loves, it is an expression of his love but when a woman gets upset because she perceives that he isn’t listening or emphasizing he has no idea what he did to upset her. The result is that he withdraws and basically blocks her out.
Dealing with Stress
Men also deal with stress differently than women do. A woman will talk about all her problems with her friends, who will instinctively know that she needs a little support and understanding so they empathize.
On the other hand, men tend to withdraw and focus on a different activity so that they can tune out their problems until the following day when they have to handle them.
Unfortunately, most women think that he doesn’t care about her or is ignoring her because he isn’t talking about his problems with her when it’s simply a matter of how men deal with stress differently than women.
You have to accept the fact that it is unrealistic to expect a man to open up immediately to you when he is stressed just as it is unrealistic for a man to expect you to calm down and be rational and logical all the time.
You need to understand that if he withdraws to watch football or read the newspaper, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it simply means he is very stressed. You need to learn not to take it personally and to give him a little space. Also, if you ask for his attention in a calm and relaxed manner you will find he will be much more responsive than if you start the blame game.
A Woman’s Power to Influence
As women, we seem to think that the best way to influence our partners is either by nagging, yelling or shutting down when we feel he is ignoring us.
The problem, though, is that most often than not we expect men to read our minds and understand what we want from them.
Unfortunately, that is the path that will lead to certain death for any relationship for the simple reason that men are so different in how they process feelings and emotions.
For example, a woman wants to talk about her problems whereas men tend to become introverted and like to figure out their problems on their own.
For a man to talk to someone about his problems it usually means that he is asking for advice or a solution, which is why when women share their problems they tend to offer solutions.
he thing is that when we are airing our grievances we usually don’t want to hear a solution, we just want to be heard, understood and held. We want someone to empathize.
However, men simply don’t know how to empathize because it isn’t part of their makeup.
When guys are talking about their problems to each other it is a sign that they are asking for advice, for a solution because they certainly aren’t asking for an understanding “Hmmm” and a hug, as we women expect.
So, of course, when he starts offering a solution we get all upset that he doesn’t understand what we want without actually realizing that he simply doesn’t know.
On the other hand, women have a powerful “weapon”, if it can be called that, to influence men. It lies in our vulnerability.
By opening your heart up and expressing your true feelings you will be surprised at the results.
You shouldn’t mistake vulnerability as a weakness because allowing yourself to be vulnerable means that you are strong enough to accept the fact that you might get hurt if you open yourself up.
In fact, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and express a full range of emotions, you will be looking after yourself more because you will be telling him exactly what you want and what you need.
You see, there are few things that make a man happier than knowing he can make his woman feel good and when she is upset, he wants to do everything in his power to make her feel better. If you can learn to genuinely express your feelings to him rather than rattle off a list of problems then you will find that he will become much more receptive.
What Do Men Really Want
First and foremost, you need to understand that men like things simple. They don’t overanalyze every phrase you say looking for a hidden meaning nor do they speak in riddles. In fact, you can be certain that in most cases, when a man says something that’s exactly what he means in that moment.
What does this mean?
It means that men adore women who tell them straight what they feel and don’t feel.
So, for example, rather than hinting that you are too tired to go out that evening or trying to hint at the fact that you are upset he isn’t spending enough time with you, try telling him.
Yes, you run the risk of being rejected but at the same time you are showing him what you want and there’s nothing men love more than not having to worry about making a mistake and upsetting you.
Of course, delivery is important as well and a man will respond much better if your delivery is soft and feminine rather than shouting your head off at him.
By being soft and feminine you completely disarm him because men want to make their women happy.
On the other hand, if you start yelling, all you are doing is basically competing with him and he will start treating you like one of the guys because guys compete against each other.
So, he will either do the “guy thing” and withdraw inside himself or simply try to compete with you.
You see, men marry women who make them feel good and because they have such trouble accessing their own emotions, they love being with a woman who makes them feel good.
Now, if he is constantly walking around on eggshells because he doesn’t know how to please you, the last thing he will feel is good.
Men Want to Feel Needed
Because of the way our society is structured today, many women are embarrassed to admit, even to themselves, that they want to feel cherished and that they need a man.
It’s almost a sacrilege to admit it, even though they feel empty without a partner.
You will find that there are many women, and you may be one of them, who have a great career and date all the time but cannot maintain a relationship.
And they have no idea why. It is exactly because of the fact that they have convinced themselves that they don’t need a man and that is what they project.
Unfortunately, if a man doesn’t feel that a woman needs him he will think there is nothing he can do for her that she can’t do on her own.
He won’t be able to play the knight in shining armor for his woman and there is nothing that will get a man to run away faster than the feeling that he isn’t needed.
While independence is a great thing in some areas of your life, it is usually the biggest killer of intimacy.
After all, would you want to be with someone who says they don’t need you?
No one is saying you need to use him as an emotional crutch or relinquish all control to him, but you do need to understand that the idea of equality is highly over rated in relationships.
In fact, if you were both on equal footing then you would be just like one of his mates and very few women want to be treated like one of the guys.
After all, guys never open up to each other, they are constantly competing on some level or other and they certainly don’t hug and kiss each other. Is that what you want?
Women Use Words, Men Tune Out
When women are upset with their man they think that the best solution is to get him to sit down and talk about it.
She’ll start talking a mile-a-minute and a man will eventually tune her out. Then she will get upset that he isn’t listening to her and he doesn’t understand why she is complaining because “I can tell you everything you said.”
You need to brand the following phrase into your mind MEN HAVE SHORT ATTENTION SPANS, especially when it comes to problems.
You see, men have a silly habit of presuming that every issue you talk about is in some way his fault, even if you aren’t trying to accuse him.
He will then try to explain himself, which will make you even angrier and then everything degenerates into a shouting match.
Unfortunately, men don’t respond to shouting or lectures because it is a form of competition.
However, men do respond to seeing the woman they love in pain and they do so tenfold if they feel she isn’t blaming them for her pain
Men will move mountains to put a smile back on the face of the woman they love.
So, instead of launching into a long explanation about what is upsetting you which will have him tuning out soon after you start, try a different approach.
Simply tell him what you are feeling but keep it short and sweet. You will find he responds much better and will be much more motivated to correct whatever he might be doing that is upsetting you.
Another great way to get his attention without trying to compete with him is to simply walk away and keep your distance.
Yes, initially he will be fine but soon he will start wondering if you are upset with him and then he will come to you. When that happens he will be more receptive than if you had to force him to sit down and have “the talk.”
Men Don’t Want to Compete With Their Woman
Men really don’t want to compete with their woman. They don’t marry for competition because they get enough of that in other areas of their lives, from work to their friends.
What they want is someone they can confide in, someone they can have fun with and someone who will be loyal to them.
Men want peace and they want to please their wife or girlfriend which is why men avoid conflict in their relationships as best they can.
Conflict, for a man, equates to a competition and men are hardwired to do everything they can to win any competition. Since most men don’t want to win over their mate, they will end up withdrawing.
Therefore, if you take a different approach and simply refuse to argue and, instead, use your feelings to disarm him, you will find that you are actually the one in control.
Think about when you were a little girl and you wanted to get something from your Dad, what did you do?
You used your feelings, making him feel like the best father on the planet and you would twirl him around your little finger, no matter how much trouble he would get into.
It was all to make his little girl happy and put a smile on her face because it made him feel good.
The same holds true in relationships and if you can relearn the art of using your feelings, you will find that your man is much more responsive to you.
He will want to do things for you simply to please you and see you happy because that is what makes him happy.
There’s nothing more important to a man than the knowledge that he can please his woman.
Empowering Your Man
Women love to try and change men. Go on, admit it, you know you do. How many times have you watched a movie and fallen for the bad guy and deep down you “knew” you could change him?
Just think of American Psycho starring Christian Bale.
Millions of women were drooling over a psychotic killer brandishing a chainsaw and not simply because he looked good, but because deep down inside they were convinced they could change him.
Essentially, they fall in love with his potential rather than the man he already is.
Well, that maybe a worthy project if you want to risk your neck with someone like that but it will only serve to push your man away if you try to apply the same technique to your relationship.
Men feel empowered and loved when they are trusted and accepted for who they are. In fact, a little appreciation goes a long way to make him feel loved.
However, if you try to change him, in his mind you are basically saying that he isn’t good enough, competent enough, smart enough and so on and so forth.
The result is that you will be hurting him even if you don’t realize it. The more you try to change him the less he feels that you love, trust and accept him.
While women consider it a sign of affection to offer advice, men see it as a validation of the fact that they aren’t trusted or worthy.
Remember, men are open to advice only when they ask for it.
Therefore, rather than trying to change him by offering unsolicited advice, show your love by offering him trust. You essentially need to trust him that he is capable of resolving his problems by himself.
This doesn’t mean you should hide your feelings. It simply means that you shouldn’t use them as punishment or a weapon to change him. You won’t succeed in changing him anyway and it will simply drive the two of you apart.
For example, if he is upset you might be tempted to prod and poke until you get the truth out of him about what’s bothering him.
However, he will see that as an attempt on your part to change how he deals with his problems and it will make him feel you don’t trust him.
Instead, show a little concern but for the most part ignore the fact that he is upset until he is ready to come and talk to you.
Also, try to avoid offering free advice because it will, again, make him feel as if you don’t accept who he is or don’t trust him. Instead, be patient and have faith that he will be able to grow on his own and eventually he will come to you to ask for advice.
Another big mistake women make is to make sacrifices for their man, expecting the reverse. However, this simply makes him feel as if you are trying to change the way he behaves.
Therefore, you are better off doing things for yourself and not depending on him to make you happy.
Just as you wouldn’t like your man making decisions for you or telling you what to do, your man will also feel as if you are trying to control him if you order him about.
Simply relax and accept that imperfections are what make life beautiful. After all, what’s more important? His feelings or whether or not he vacuumed under the table?
On the Outside
While this might be considered a little shallow, unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about the fact that men are visual creatures. This doesn’t mean that you have to stop by the plastic surgeon in the morning to remodel yourself into a Victoria’s Secret runway model. Far from it.
However, there are certain things that make women much more attractive to men. For example, men absolutely adore long hair on women.
It is a sign of femininity and the only thing they love more than long hair, is to see that long hair pulled up in a pony tail. The reason for this is because it has a slight sexual connotation by showing off the graceful curves of your neck.
Also, if you adopt a more feminine style by wearing dresses and skirts more often, you will find that more men are attracted to you. This is simply because women tend to appear softer and more feminine in dresses and men are attracted to that like bees to honey.
Last but definitely not least, high heels.
Yes, heels do something amazing for your posture and make men fall head over their proverbial heels.
One reason is because you tend to move slower and more gracefully when you are wearing high heels.
It’s virtually impossible to walk at breakneck speed or be less than graceful in high heels. Not if you don’t want to break your neck that is.
Also, you know you feel absolutely amazing inside when you are wearing heels. It gives you a new confidence because you feel taller and more attractive.
You basically feel on top of the world. And this confidence shines through and men pick up on it. There’s nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is comfortable with herself and is confident.
OK – Here We Go: In Bed
Sex is a vital part of any relationship and it can make or break an otherwise wonderful couple.
The biggest problem women have when it comes to sex is that they tend to be overly self conscious. This then leads on a lack of focus on what is going on and you tend to be so worried about how you look that you forget to enjoy what’s happening.
Not only that, but some women also voice their insecurities which makes it even worse.
Ladies, you need to stop focusing on what you think is wrong with you and enjoy the moment. If he’s there with you and he is telling you that you turn him on then believe him. After all, guys can’t fake it. Seriously, they can’t.
If he’s in the bedroom with you, then he’s already turned on by who you are right now.
Pointing out your cellulite or trying to hide a part of your body for fear you might look fat or wobbly is like shining a spotlight on it for him to see, where he probably would never have noticed otherwise.
Men just don’t see those things we think of as imperfections until you point them out.
Another problem many relationships run into is that sex becomes routine and then slowly dries up and disappears completely. Society is as much to blame for this as we are. We forget that sex is supposed to be fun as well as a great way to bond with your partner.
In one of Tony Robbins’ seminars, he told the story of a couple who were in their nineties and had been together for more than sixty years.
However, they were still deeply in love with each other and it showed because they expressed themselves physically as well.
So much so that Tony suggested they might want to retire to their room.
When asked what their secret was, the couple responded that, amongst other things, they would try anything once. If they liked it then they would do it again.
In other words, variety is the spice of life and sex is nothing to be ashamed of. The more variety you have in your sex life, the less likely it is that it will become boring and a matter of obligation rather than enjoyment.
There are so many things you can do to keep your sex life interesting, from surprising your man with an impromptu romp to role playing for him, you can be sure he will definitely want to play along.
Remember that it doesn’t always have to be a Hollywood production of the perfect romantic evening. Sometimes a hot, sweaty, fast roll in the hay is exactly what the doctor ordered. You’ll also find that it is a great way to relieve tension as well.
However, don’t expect to share a wonderful talk afterwards and then get upset when he falls asleep.
Men are hard pressed to share their feelings at any time, let alone after a good round of sex when their brain has completely switched off.
If you want to be the woman that all men adore then you need to understand them.
The more you understand about a man and how he processes and functions, the higher your chances of being able to personify his dream woman.
This doesn’t mean that you should create a persona that is not in line with who you are.
Unfortunately, though, many women are afraid to show their true selves because they feel it makes them look weak.
The problem is that the more you hide your true self, the more resentment you build up inside, whether or not you realize it, because you are working so hard to put up this front that has nothing to do with who you really are.
If you learn to love and accept who you are, you will give off an aura of confidence that men find irresistible. And by allowing yourself to admit to the fact that you need a man in your life, you will suddenly feel liberated and will be more open.
You won’t project the hardened façade of “I don’t need anyone” which drives most men away, because as we have already seen, men want to feel needed.
A man wants to take care of a woman, he wants to be her hero and a woman who is completely self-sufficient and projects an aura of ruthless independence will drive men away.
Of course, there are men who like strong women who take the lead but more often than not, a woman, no matter how strong or independent she is, doesn’t want to have to be the one doing the protecting.
Even if she won’t admit it to herself, initially.
The problem is that by being dishonest with yourself you might enter into a relationship that will end up hurting both of you.
The reason is that you initially project one thing to later open up and show your vulnerability and need for support.
He will then feel cheated that you are a different person and so resentment will build up on both sides and lead to a sad ending.
Therefore, simply accept who you really are and allow yourself to be a woman.
In fact, be proud of the fact that you are a woman and remember that men live to make their women happy because it’s what makes them feel good.
The woman all men adore is one who isn’t afraid to show her softer side, to show that she needs her man and one who understands the fundamental differences between men and women.
By understanding how a man reacts differently she will be able to better respond to him and thus create a peaceful loving home.
There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has enough confidence and trust in him to be vulnerable with him.
He will move mountains to please you and put a smile on your face, because men melt when they see the woman they love smile.
Most women think a wonderful relationship is simply about finding the right man. The truth is that those women who have wonderful relationships didn’t necessarily know where to find good men, instead they attracted them.
Would you like to learn how to attract and keep a wonderful man? The best way to find out probably isn’t by talking to a woman; instead, a man would be able to give you the secrets to a man’s heart.
I’d like to share with you the secrets that men find irresistible and powerless to resist.
The dirty little secret is that having a perfect body isn’t nearly as important as you have been led to believe.